its been a hard week

after mom died, everyone told me there would be good weeks and bad weeks. this has been a bad week.

i don't know if it has been because I have been so busy with work. or maybe because we have a contract on our house and we are busy with packing up and fixing things the buyers wanted fixed. part of it could even be that i don't have my number one fan to celebrate all of the exciting things happening in my life. maybe it is because one of my absolute favorite patients at work died this week. maybe all the stress. i just don't know.

whatever the cause, this week has been hard. i have found myself thinking about her all the time. 

like every moment in every hour of every day kind of all the time.

i have cried everyday. waterfalls.

i have prayed every night for God to just let me dream about her. i have asked Him to tell her things. i have begged Him to let me know that she can see me or hear me.

i feel like this is a step back in the healing process.

maybe.

probably not.

i have known from day one that this was going to be painful for a really long time. i just didn't expect it to sneak up on me this week.

please do this for me today:

        pray for me

if you still have your mom, go talk with her about what it was like when she lost her mom. i was a child and did not understand the pain that my mom probably felt. i never asked her how she felt. i wish i had.